•  

                                               AN EYE OPENER. 

    This experience of my life was a real eye opener. With this I understood,

    what people have to do to get their children educated? 

     

    This is a small story of  two toddlers, one a little older than the other.  Everyday they get ready to go to the castle school in Mussoorie.  Their family live and work in nearby place of the school. They don't have money to buy all the amenities and facilities for their children but they have a facility where they can send their kids to learn.

    That facility is The Castle School. This castle school is above the small mountain, where no vehicle can go, even the two wheelers and bikes will have to be parked at the ground. And all the children have to climb up everyday to the school, even the toddlers.

    It takes 45 minutes to an hour to reach to school. Those of us who live in big districts may send our children to schools which are farther and also may take 1 hour to 2 hours but we have vehicles or the public transport.  Here there is no scope for any transport neither private nor public.

     

    They transport them selves with their heavy school bags.

     

    Before and After school they have to climb up and down for at least 45 mins to an hour. 

    And what did I learn from this?

    They were not complaining about it at all. In fact they were enjoying going to school and coming back home everyday. Their teachers also walk up and walk down everyday.  

    The Castle School, in the below picture behind me on the mountain, inside the trees. 

    When we zoom it is like this. 

    The school looks like a castle. So the school is called as Castle School. When I met these two fellows,

    I had a lot of questions in my mind, as,

    How do they find this everyday trekking experience?

    What do they do for sport in the school?

    How do their exams take place?

    How do they climb up in the rainy season?

    What if they couldn't carry their food?

    and a lot of them. 

    But I could not ask them, because they were getting late for their school. So I kept this for next visit. 

    But what I learnt is that even in the difficult situations we can keep ourselves happy, though we have a lot of complications in our own life, we can still find joy and keep going with it. It gets over.

    Please suggest me a question which I can ask them when I meet them next time. 


  •  
  •  

    EXPERIENCING THE EXPERIENCE

     Hi,

    Dear all,
     
    As you know Emotional Intelligence deals with managing emotions. Our emotions are stimulated through internal or external stimuli. Our past incidences get connected, and memories related to it also get stimulated. Thus we experience emotions. Emotions prepare us to mobilise in emergency situations and guide us to get prepared for any situation which will take place in the nearest future.
     
    I want to know whether our emotions and memories get awakened even though external stimulus doesn't contain or produce any fear, horror, guilt, but produce good positive stimuli and still responses we get are sometimes related with other than only positive emotions.

    Thus the hypothesis is; "Emotional response to positive stimulus includes other than positive emotions."
     
    For this you will find some photographs/ Pictures down in the article. Pl. select one photograph.  And you will be writing answers to the questions asked. It will take only 10 to 15 minutes.
    And with this, I would like to invite you to take out some minutes (10 / 15) to visit this journey...................................
    There are some photographs in the attached folder.
    Pl. Pl. observe each photograph properly, Take your time to observe it, and answer my questions. If you feel your answers should not be read by other member’s of the group you can always use my email id. i.e. arati.suryawanshi@gmail.com or mindful.heart@yahoo.in
    Pl. think and write about it.
    Questions...


    1. After observing each photograph what thoughts and feelings are coming to your mind?


    2. After visiting them, do you remember any of the incidences of your life? Can you Pl. share that?


    3. To which context will you relate these photographs?  As  happy, sad, lonely, out of the world, witty, revengeful, or any other. I have observed various responses with many people.


    4. Pl. observe  them again and tell/write me what do you want to do now?


    Pl. experience this awakening, enlightening experience and give chance to me to experience Your  experience. 
     THANK YOU SO SO VERY MUCH
    ....................................

     

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 1 .

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 2

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 3

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 4

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 5

    PHOTOGRAPH NO. 6

     

    Author Arati Suryawanshi, is Ph.D. Scholar in Emotional Intelligence in Human Resource Management at Dr. D.Y. Patil University, Her Ph.D. research is supported with SEI Assessments, i.e. Social Emotional Intelligence Assessments, by 6seconds International, the NGO completely devoted to Emotional Intelligence. Each one of your comment is important for me. Please take this interesting survey and try to give the answers of above asked five questions here in comments or to me on my email id. Thank you in advance. 

     


  •  

                                          " Even Mommy Tigress has the same emotions." 

    I have travelled with my family to most of the Jungles in India like Pench, Corbett, Kanha and Nagzira. We've been to jungles in north west Maharashtra, madhya pradesh, and even in other states in India including sancturies and National Parks. Many times we thought we may get to see tigers but we saw all animals except tigers.  Either our timing was not correct, or the weather would suddenly take a turn for the worse. :(

    Many times we could even hear animal 'calls' by 'monkeys' or  'deers' and we almost had close encounters. All the travellers saw it but till we reached there it had gone back into the jungle. People used to come back with their stories of their encounters with the tigers not one or two but many. Oh! Yes! Hum! Ok! WOW!..we used to say and we used to get responses like ...Better luck next time. 

    Some used to share their stories with 'masala' added in and gave us suggestions like, Please next time when you go keep saying, 'Tiger Tiger Tiger ........' and then it comes out to show you its face. Some suggested the exact opposite that, you should not focus only on the Tiger, just go around the jungle, see all other animals and then he will come to give you 'darshan'. That's the real beauty. 

    Though it was hard time for us we never lost hope. So we decided to go to ' TADOBA' Jungle this time, because we heard a many sighting stories.

     We decided all strategies this time to see this fellow.  Chose a right time to visit the jungle,  Took a correct guide with us who was supposed to know the jungle very well,  Selected a vehicle which has less noise,  no perfumes,  no noisy eatables,  already decided who will sit where, and also made our mind even if it doesn't happen it's okay,  we still can see many other wonderful activities in the jungle. We were ready, and so the journey began.

    We saw eagles, jungley hens and boars, ahead of that we also heard 'a monkey call' which means the tiger (tigress in this case) could be nearby but our luck was not with us that time. We moved ahead from there but we noticed some movement. We could acknowledge her presence there. When we were taking a sharp turn expecting her to be on the other side we could see Wild Dogs called 'dholes'. They said its a very rare scene in the jungle. "Oh! Ok! but where is she, 'the tigress'?" we asked. We also saw some birds in the way, 'The Cookoo', 'the paradise', 'the black herons', 'green pigeons', 'the kingfisher', and while our vehicle was taking a turn at the lake we also could see a 'Crocodile'. We were content. Now even if we couldn't see 'the tigress', at least we could see some important things and also could observe the nature and beauty of the jungle, so our sadness would be a little less. But we all wanted to see her, the famous tigress called Sonam. In 'Tadoba', there are lots of tigers. 89 is the number our guide told us. The thought popped up in my mind that, was a single one of them not feeling like coming out of its den? At that exact moment our car became slow, because vehicles in front of us were slowing down and all the Jeeps were standing in one line near the lake. All of them were saying that the Tigress Sonam and her three cubs were playing somewhere around there inside the jungle, and they can come to the lake anytime to quench their thirst. Wow! My whole body started feeling anticipation and anxiousness. Fortunately we found a great place to park our vehicle. The movement was supposed to take place from right beside our car. We saw her walk from the jungle towards the lake.

    She arrived,  as a Golden Queen of the Jungle. Confident yet steady steps. And she did a very wonderful thing.  

    Which I want to share with you all. First have a look at this picture. She came and went to the water to drink it and sat in the water showing her 'back' to us. We all started thinking that,  Why did she do that? For her cubs ? Was she waiting for them? 

    Then the all three cubs came one by one. We  could not believe that they all four tigers were there in front of us. Aha! 

    It was such a Magical View! We almost forgot to use our Cameras. They were there almost 25 to 30 minutes and 10 full minutes after watching all of them with open eyes, then we started using our cameras.

    What a beauty! I was craving to see one tiger and I got to see the four of them, a very loving Family of Tigers. Wow! 

    As soon as  the tigress Sonam, saw all her cubs, her body language changed,  she was sitting there but quite relaxed. Among all of them, one cub was almost a fully grown male and the other two were young female cubs. They all were playing with water and each other. And what their mother tigress Sonam was doing? She was relaxed now, since all her kids were around her. She turned her neck inside the water and took a nap. 

    The Tigress Sonam, Yes, we could also observe the sign of letter "S" on the neck just below her ears. That is how the name "Sonam" was given to her.

      

    SONAM TIGRESS FROM TADOBA

    I never ever can forget the things I observed with the "Tigress Sonam with her family." She is the mother of three cubs and she knew, how she needs to take care of them? Not over protective, not extra strict, and authoritative, just apt, loving, affectionate, passionate mother?  

    Of course not all the rules of the wild can be applicable to us but this one can. 

    When she was waiting for them, she didn't move at all till they all arrived there. Her male cub Raja, who was three years old, will be going away from her soon. But till he is with her its her duty to take care of him.

    Ofcourse once the cub becomes two/three years old he takes another territory. So the rest of the story is different to us humans. That may not be relatable at all.

    But the above experience left me spell - bound. I learnt that,

    "We can be strong and tender at the same time. Tenderness cultivates a strong loving heart."

    Can we elders do this with our children? Do they have a 'Right' to have their parent's acknowledgement, appreciation, care and tender behaviour, like the tigress family in the above picture? Can elders bring Emotional Intelligence in their and their children's lives? Wishing to have your studied comments. 

    Author, Arati Suryawanshi, is a Research Scholar in Emotional Intelligence. Her study is supported by the world - wide NGO 6 Seconds International. 

    "Nov. 20 is celebrated as United Nation's Children's day. So "6seconds"  the global Emotional Intelligence Network is celebrating this day as "EQ Children's day!"  While celebrating this day soon, this is the 2nd week which is especially celebrated on the theme " Relationship". First Week celebrated with the theme, " Self Awareness." We express our gratitude towards 6 Seconds International fot taking an initiative in this regard.


  •  

                                                            II VISIONARY THAT MATTERS II

    " YOU SEE THINGS AND YOU SAY WHY? AND I DREAM THINGS THAT NEVER WERE AND  I SAY WHY NOT? "   

                                                                                                                                 ( George Bernard Shaw)

     

    STORY OF "VISIONARY THAT MATTERS"

    Me and my family, my husband Dr. Vijay Suryawanshi, My Daughter Rahi Suryawanshi, and my Son Raj Suryawanshi, saw a dream of our own visions and one day, while having our dinner,  we decided that, we will move one step everyday  towards our own dreams. And we all started striving very hard. Among all of us, my husband has achieved the most of his dreams, I started achieving too; my daughter and son are in line.

    When I had dream of my vision, I realised that it  needs my time to attend it, I decided to give time and tried to attend every small minute detail of my  own dream and I am achieving one by one.

    When we can achieve, why not others?  so then, I decided to spread the knowledge about the whole system which is finally designed as the wholesome, " VISIONARY THAT MATTERS PROGRAM. "

    This is also a  story of our two beloved friends . We want them all the time with us. And they are 1. Vision,  2. Wisdom.

    Both of them are within us. Say from our childhood. And maybe even before that. We achieve things in our life very easily and  we don’t realise that they are with us too to articulate properly, and to move forward properly. 

    I wouldn’t  have realised this wisdom if I wouldn’t have met Dr. Prafull Chikerur,  An educationist, with whom I participated in various Career Fairs with my vision tools. I have helped  thousands of students with these vision tools. Many of them are in fashion industry, doctors, lawyers, many of them wanted ot diversify their education, many of them wanted to change their jobs, some of them wanted to start their own jobs and businesses.

    When we understood it's fabulously working. I decided to develop a  program for all agegroups and for all of them who want to know that what are all those careers waiting for them? What are those crisp careers and passions awaited in their lives where they can direct their energy, efforts, time and money? 

    I wouldn’t have realised  this wisdom if I wouldn’t have met Mr. Vishwas Thakur, A Banker, and a Chairperson of Vishwas Coop. Banks.  Who gave me complete freedom to apply my knowledge in the institute called, “Vishwas Dnyan-probodhini.” where I designed and developed various modules for bankers and applied them to achieve better results.

    Wherever I worked till now, as a practicing psychologist, I have used vision tools, and with all my cases I learned that they begin to walk on the path of their own visions and they don’t remain just their visions but also wisdom gets added into it when at one point of time they start achieving it.

    VALIDATION OF "VISIONARY THAT MATTERS" BY RICHARD MICHAELS.

    " VISIONARY THAT MATTERS IS VALIDATED BY RICHARD MICHAELS,  DIRECTOR COACHING FOR TRANFORMATION U.S.A., WHO IS ALSO A COACH, TRAINER, ARTIST AND GESTALT THERAPIST. " HIS MESSAGE IN HIS WORDS, 

    " Your system for supporting people in clarifying and finding direction is exciting. Incorporating drawing and right brain exercises taps into the many elements of a person's potential which are inherent within the deep emotional and unconscious aspects of a person's being. Realizing one's vision and purpose in this way is a contribution to individual fulfillment and the advancement of society.  "

    I express my  sincere thanks and gratitude towards, Dr. Praffulla Chikerur, Mr. Vishwas Thakur and

    Richard Michaels. 

    I like this beautiful poem by an unknown poet. 

    "Where Vision is an image, Wisdom helps us to take an action.

    Where Vision is an intuition, Wisdom helps us to bring that into reality.

    Where Vision is a dream, Wisdom Fuels it with possibilities.

    Where Vision is a landscape, Wisdom gives us colours to fill in.

    Where Vision is a blue sky, Wisdom gives us wings to fly.

    Where Vision is a like huge ocean, Wisdom is like oar, which guides the boat". --by unknown.

    We all have vision and wisdom. What we don’t have is our connection with it, our conscious realisation about it. We need to give some time to it. We need to have a close look at it very mindfully. And we start achieving it. 

    WHAT IS VISIONARY THAT MATTERS?

    "Visionary that matters",  is a complete wholesome program gives us an opportunity to reach to our own goals. And develop all those skills and competencies in us to achieve our own vision. A vision can be a goal or a career. Also it can be a passion + goal or passion + career. Or all three together as Passion + Goal + career. What exactly we want to happen in our life after 10 years? it covers all information, data about it. It throws light upon how can all our effort will be utilised in particular direction? how can we direct/ focus our energy and effort to particular visions with wisdom. 

    You can also see more information on the below links. 

    http://www.mindfulheartconsultancy.com/services

    http://www.mindfulheartconsultancy.com/specified

    BE A VISIONARY

    Be a visionary, “Create from a place of delight. Wonder. Flowing with the wisdom from source. Seeing what there is and using it as a tool to build with. Create for your pleasure. For your joy. Create because you want to. Because there is nothing better in the world than crafting your delight. Don’t be afraid of action. Of obstacles. Of fear. Of anything.” --- By unknown.

                                                         Before                                                            After

     

    This are vision drafts of Mr. Shreyas Shetye. Who is constantly and contiously working on his vision. He has taken this course in the year 2014 and achieved his vision in the year 2016, of having his own outlet of Shorba in Mumbai. While talking with us he said, " he is opening two more Shorba Outlets soon."  Heartiest Congratulations! Shreyas Shetye. 


  •  

                                    Kaleidoscope, The festival of uniqueness Marathi Document.

    क्या लि डो स्को प 

    "उत्सव वैशिठ्ठ्य पूर्ण तेचा" 

    आपण सगळे ज्या जगात राहतो त्या जगात सगळे जण एकतर खूप व्यस्त आहेत त्यामुळे  एकमेकांच्या ज्या गोष्टी प्रथम समोर येतात त्या गोष्टींकडे आपण आधी लक्ष देतो पण त्यामुळे बरेचदा आपण समोरच्या व्यक्तीला काय वाटत, त्याचा विचार करण्याचा विचारही मनात येत नाही, आपण विसरतो किंवा  वेळ मिळत नाही. आणि आपण त्या व्यक्तीच्या विशेष व्यक्तिमत्त्वाच्या बाजूंना मुकतो. आपण वागत असतो  पण त्यात पूर्णत्व नसते. त्याच महत्वाच कारण सांगतांना "पिटर स्यालोवी" भावनिक बुद्धिमत्तेचे जनक असे म्हणतात कि , आज आपण समोरच्याच्या भावनांना फारस महत्त्व देत नाही. खूप जास्त जीवन गतिमान झाल्याने आपल्याकडे वेळच नाही. आपल्याला खूप जास्त गोष्टी करायच्या आहेत आणि त्या खूप पट्टकन करायच्या आहेत. त्यामुळे आपण भावनिक बुद्धिमत्तेचा उपयोग करायला विसरतो. 

    " पिटर स्यालोवी"  ह्यांच्या मते, भावनिक बुद्धिमत्तेच्या तीन महत्त्वाच्या बाजू आहेत. 

    १. भावना ओळखणे, त्या समजणे ,

    २. भावना  व्यक्त करणे आणि 

    ३. त्यांचे व्यवस्थापन करणे. 

    नवीन पिढीहि अश्याच पद्धतीने मोठी होत आहे. आणि अशाच  पध्ततीने पुढे जाण्या आधी  आपण ह्या जनरेशनला वेळेवरच त्यांच्यातल्या विविध गोष्टींची ओळख करून द्यायला हवी आणि एकमेकांच्या वैशिष्ट्यपूर्ण तेचि देखील ओळख करून दिली पाहिजे. त्यामुळे ते एकमेकांच्या वैशिष्ठ्यपूर्ण तेचा आदर करायला शिकतील.  त्यांच्यांत लहानपणापासूनच भावनिक बुद्धिमत्तेची कौशल्ये निर्माण करायला हवित. 

    आम्ही "दिशा युनिक सायकोलोजीकाल कन्सल्टन्सी" फोर्ट, मुंबई (साउथ) द्वारे हा पुढाकार घेत आहोत.की, कार्यशाळा आणि विविध अनुभवांद्वारे मुलापर्यंत भावनिक बुद्धीमत्तेचे महत्त्वं हसत खेळत पोहोचवून त्यांच्यात तशी कौशल्ये निर्माण करणे. हा उपक्रम त्याचाच एक भाग आहे. 

                      संशोधन असे सांगते आणि आमचा असा विश्वास आहे, कि भावनिक बुद्धिमत्तेमुळे ह्या पिढीत खालील महत्त्वाची कौशल्ये निर्माण होण्यास मदत होईल. , 

                                             १. मुलांनमध्ये संवेदनशील ता निर्माण होईल. त्याबद्दलची जागृती येईल. 

                                             २. तेढ, तिटकारा, द्वेषाची भावना कमी होउन एकमेकांबद्दल आनंदाचे वातावरण, सकारात्मकता निर्माण होईल. 

                                             ३. भावनिक भाषेचे महत्त्व समजेल. आणि व्यक्त करण्यासाठी योग्य शब्द सापडतात. 

                                             ४. भावनांचा समतोल ठेवायला शिकतात.  विचार आणि भावनांना योग्य दिशा देता येते. 

                                             ६. पुढील आयुष्यासाठी योग्य निर्णय घेता येतात. 

                                             ७. आयुष्य उत्तम जगण्यासाठी एक छान लक्ष्य मिळंते. अर्थपूर्णता येते. 

                                             क्यालीडोस्कोप हि एक आनंदाची पर्वणी असेल ज्याद्वारे ह्या नवीन पिढीला घडवता येईल. 

                                              धन्यवाद 

                                             आरती सूर्यवंशी 


  •  

                                                Volunteering in Kaleidoscope Workshop

     

     

    WHAT IS VOLUNTEERING IN KALEIDOSCOPE?

    Volunteering in Kaleidoscope, is something which takes your child one step further than his / her achievement in the last workshop of kaleidoscope. 

    WHAT THEY DID IN THEIR WORKSHOP?

    They have taken a baby step to understand themselves, their own and others distinct qualities and Emotions. They have also learned recognizing Emotions, Understanding Emotions, and Perceiving Emotions and expressing them. During and after the workshop they might have tried or not tried some of the things they have learned from the workshop in their life. 

     

                HOW TO TAKE IT FURTHER?

    Volunteering in Kaleidoscope gives you an opportunity to apply learned knowledge in new set up. With new people around.

    Where they will be working with one facilitator in every group. And try to learn new skills. As,

            WITH OUR FACILITATOR

                           1. Explaining the activity to their friends in the group, helping them in making, selecting and making it differently.

                           2. Using and selecting appropriate words to speak.

                           3. Encouragement: Respecting and Appreciating their thoughts, feelings and actions.

                           4. Bringing knowledge into group with creativity.

                           5. Leadership skills, as taking initiative in forming groups, giving names to groups, giving them small tasks to complete with the                                 help of their facilitator.

                                                                                           WITH OR WITHOUT THE HELP OF FACILITATOR

                            1. Creating new activities : Volunteer Kaleidoscope may get an opportunity to create an activity, if we feel it’s perfect to include it                                in the frame of Kaleidoscope workshop. 

                            2. Mentoring other participants in their groups, where they will get an opportunity to giving them some new fresh examples, or                                writing story, or skit or as per the need of the activity.

                            3. You can also join with this initiative by volunteering with us by extending your help in many ways. As, Art therapist,                                                  Photography, Technical expert, Activity expert, etc. 

    Our First Registered Volunteer

    Congratulations!! Swarangi Mukadam. 

    Swarangi is just 10 years old and Athlete. Her passions are sports and drawing. She loves to help people . 

     

    " DEVELOPING UPCOMING GENERATION WITH EQ SKILLS, ALL ROUND DEVELOPMENT AND BALANCE. "

    JOIN WITH OUR GOAL , REGISTER : CONTACT : 8080888193, 9967616181.


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                                                   KALEIDOSCOPE

    WHAT IS KALEIDOSCOPE ?

     

    ACCORDING TO SARA BAREILLES, " It's a structure that's filled with broken bids and pieces, and somehow if you can look through them, you still see something beautiful. And I feel like we are all that way a little bit. "

    Kaleidoscope is also an initiative taken by me and my team of psychologists with a goal,  

    " Developing young generation with EQ skills, all-round development and balance." It's a two days workshop where all kids ( Age group 5 to 14 years) play  and learn together. 

     

     

                                                     

     

    IMPORTANT FEATURES OF THE WORKSHOP:

     

                                                 1. Every group of 4 to 5 kids is facilitated by a psychologist or an EQ expert.

                                                 2. Every child works according to his talents and potential.

                                                 3. All children are fabulously invovled and participate innovatively in the workshop.

                                                 4. All activities are meaningful and objective based.

                                                 5. All important components of EQ are covered in the two days workshop. As Recognising Emotions, Understanding                                                    Self and Others Emotions, Percieving Emotions and Expressing them through various modes.

                                                 6. This is the initiative where no psychologist takes his / her remuneration.

     

    WHAT KIDS TAKE AWAY : 

     

                                                 1. Feeling of respect and acceptance for self and others in a creative manner.

                                                 2. Distinct personality qualities theirs and other friends in the workshop.

                                                 3. Emotions and how they play in life. What we can do creatively in conflicting situation.

                                                 4. Managing stage fright and expressing thoughts and feelings with peers.

                                                 5. Increase self confidence and social interaction with Leadershiop skills and team building.

                                                 6. Brain exercises and Volunteering for a social cause.

     

                                                        

     

            Join with our goal. And send your child for the workshop. For Registration Contact: 8080888193, 9967343046

     

     

     

     

     

     


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    Dear Parents

    Dear Parents.....

    I know that we are the busiest bees on this earth,  we try to complete each and every work we have with conviction and perfection. But still sometimes we feel frustrated, and depressed. When especially we experience that we and our kids are not getting along well, and when we have strained relations. 

    For example:

    1. When our kids don't share with us anything or share things partially. We feel upset and taken for granted.

    2. When our kids make friends without our consent we get hurt.

    3. When they don't listen to us. We feel weak, not valued. And suddenly warlike situation takes place. And world's whole panicky enter into us and become over vigilant distrustful parents. Fights start and when the whole focus gets shifted from child to parents no one even realise.

    So writing this letter specially for all of you. Today we thought for you and then decided that rather than just thinking about you how about having dialogue through this letter with you? So this is an effort done by us to reach to you. 

    Hello!! Dear Parents,

    I know you will not have much time to read this letter because you are very busy with your work and with your children's exam. , their study take ups, and you don't have to look at only one kid's exam. but also the other sibling who needs you too!!

    And if your husband is around then sometimes it becomes more difficult, suddenly situation becomes more demanding. Your time, energy and effort is divided into all three people. Of course sometimes when your husband has time then your tension can be shared by your husband too!! But overall the whole family goes through this exam fever.

    I am just imagining that there are four people in the family. There can be more or less no. of people in the family. When more siblings are there in the family, situation is even more pressing.

    The whole idea of writing this letter is not to scare you but to help you and share some of your tension. We know that we cannot be there and help you directly but yes we can help you virtually.

    So actually what can we do as parents.

    CREATING "BEING THERE" FEELING :

    Listen your kids carefully, non-judgementally. Try to keep your professional hazards away. Be there, try to be there 100%. I know it's difficult, but we need to know exactly what our kids are going through. So be there to create a comfortable atmosphere. So they will share anything with you. 

    We simply cannot do much but what we can do is we can make our children feel that we are always there. We cannot actually help them in their studies, we know there are some of the parents who are actually helping their children in their studies and they are qualified to help them too, but even if we can see what they need during this time that also becomes a great help to them. 

    So, even a glass of fresh water or a fresh fruit juice works.

    EMPATHISING WITH THEM :

    This is the time that they need support and people around them whom they can share there tensions. Try to understand their feelings. Understand the message beneath that. That will need some time to reach that space. Give that time may be some seconds to some minutes to reach there, there where your cord with your kids will remain intact. Try to avoid pushing hot buttons. 

    Empathising is not let them do whatever they want to do always, but empathising is that recognising their feelings and recognising the reasons and needs beneath to do those things, and having dialogue with them, and then giving them specific ideas what and why you want some things to be changed by them. Without violating their respect.

    Many parents say that, who has so much time to do all this, or they try to help but the children don't like it. If so then we want to ask these parents that what do they do? And the answers we get are not at all a good story. As we become angry, our brains do not work, we use wrong words, heated unstoppable arguments, showing each others mistakes and the end result is ignoring each other, and creating hatred for each other.

    We only want to say that may be at that time then we have to change our perspective towards these situations. Because that is not going to keep our bond with our kids remain same as before. This is a challenging situation for parents. So empathise with your children and with yourself too. e.g. what are my emotions and do I really want them?  and if ever you find that you don't want them or that is not working at all, please dare to alter them to see the positive difference. 

     

     

    RESPONDING THAN REACTING : 

    Dear parents, reaction is our default mode / autopilot mode. That always comes immediate and we love to get hijacked by those emotions.  We get stuck in that zone and don't want to move from there. But always remember we can shift from there and that's not the end. Rather than giving immediate reaction, take a PAUSE of some seconds, or minutes, allow your breath come to normal and then rethink. Our reaction thus gets converted into response. In addition to this you can also read my another post on reactions and response which I wrote in 2015. 

    http://www.mindfulheartconsultancy.com/blog/what-is-there-reactions-or-responses

    Many other things can be written but then the letter will become very heavy. But before I close I like to conclude; In a nut shell, we need to become mindful heart parents. 

    Best wishes to you for parenting. Be in touch.



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